Word I like: Endeavour.

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The past still in the present

curtis-3 curtis-12 curtis5x7-34

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I officially declare the resurrection of this blog!!

Aren’t you guys happy? (hi mum!)

Am back on the road. Well more precisely in Australia. Sooooo happy to be here!!

I’ll be posting more stuff here, as it’s a lot more private than social networks and only for the “chosen few”. Seems a little more creative too!

As the tradition goes, I’ve had a look at my 2015 objectives to see how I did. Replacing tooth and feet was a big ordeal and that’s now behind me: ticked off the fucking list !!

Still have a little work to do on weight…

Work wise, I smashed my objectives and placed the first foundations for the rest of my work life: working for myself at the service of others. I’ve made quite a lot of new friends, kept in touch with old ones, done some travelling and improved my willingness to show vulnerability and take emotional risks – some of which I paid the price for… but overall I’ve tried to display love and generosity to the peeps in my life, and learn about myself. In the process I’ve made amends to a lot of people and tried to be less guarded, harsh and judgemental. #workinprogress

Of course there were quite a few cock-ups along the way (SO many!!), but 2016 am working on you!

So happy to start the new year here (I know I repeat myself) feeling smiley and hopeful. Every new trip here has a different flavour. I remember my state of mind when I arrived back here two… no! three! years ago. This time the feeling is different, I’m still in love with the place but it now feels more reachable, closer, easier to get to. I’m older, I make more money, I have less fear and more freedom than I used to. I wish the connection to this place will never fade because it fills my heart with a sense of eternity, joy and calm. There is a mystery, a mystique that deeply ignites my imagination into a strange and dark romanticism: the loneliness of explorers, of exiles, of lost children combined with a desperate will to survive.  A Bill Henson photograph…

I’ve since read a lot about Australian history which makes me appreciate it even more.

Oh and now I’ve even seen the fireworks! 2016 starting with a dream coming true, let’s make it the theme of this New Year!

How fucking lucky!

Watch this space for my 2016 wish list to the universe… Coming soon!

Capture d’écran 2015-12-15 à 01.56.15


Sirius . Supply . Alexander . Charlotte . Friendship . Lady Penrhyn . Prince of Wales .  Scarborough . Borrowdale . Fishburn . Golden Grove .

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J’ai tant rêvé de toi que tu perds ta réalité.
Est-il encore temps d’atteindre ce corps vivant
Et de baiser sur cette bouche la naissance
De la voix qui m’est chère?

J’ai tant rêvé de toi que mes bras habitués
En étreignant ton ombre
A se croiser sur ma poitrine ne se plieraient pas
Au contour de ton corps, peut-être.
Et que, devant l’apparence réelle de ce qui me hante
Et me gouverne depuis des jours et des années,
Je deviendrais une ombre sans doute.
O balances sentimentales.

J’ai tant rêvé de toi qu’il n’est plus temps
Sans doute que je m’éveille.
Je dors debout, le corps exposé
A toutes les apparences de la vie
Et de l’amour et toi, la seule
qui compte aujourd’hui pour moi,
Je pourrais moins toucher ton front
Et tes lèvres que les premières lèvres
et le premier front venu.

J’ai tant rêvé de toi, tant marché, parlé,
Couché avec ton fantôme
Qu’il ne me reste plus peut-être,
Et pourtant, qu’a être fantôme
Parmi les fantômes et plus ombre
Cent fois que l’ombre qui se promène
Et se promènera allègrement
Sur le cadran solaire de ta vie.

Robert Desnos, “Corps et biens”.

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“The most improper job of any man… is bossing other men. Not one in a million is fit for it, and least of all those who seek the opportunity.”
– Tolkien

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There… and back again.

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O the mind, mind has mountains; cliffs of fall
Frightful, sheer, no-man-fathomed. Hold them cheap
May who ne’er hung there.
I wake and feel the fell of dark, not day.
And I have asked to be
Where no storms come.
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What did you love about me if not, also, my wounds?

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This blog was named after Nietzsche’s poem… That’s my state of mind again.


Towards New Seas

“That way is my will, I trust

In my mind and in my grip.

Without plan, into the vast

Open sea I head my ship.

All is shining, new and newer

Upon space and time sleeps noon

Only your eye – monstrously,

Stares at me, Infinity.”

Nietzsche, Gay Science, 371

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